Recently in Personal Category

I've been over to Wagga nearly every day after work to visit Dad in the hospital and it's so sad to see him. He's off with the fairies most of the time with all the drugs they're giving him and I worry every night that he'll deteriorate further. He looks terrible.

Monday I took Carly to the Borambola Sport and Recreation Centre where she was going to do a week's work experience. It was to cost $185 for her food and accommodation for the week. Then yesterday morning she rang to say she woke up with conjunctivitis and I had to come and get her because it's highly contagious. So I took 2 hours off work and collected her after lunch. Big surprise, they didn't charge me any money for her staying there, so there was something good that come of it. Then around midnight she came in to my bedroom with her eyes so swollen and red I took her to the Junee hospital, where they gave her some anaesthetic drops and antibiotic drops. They padded her eyes and I had to lead her out to the car and then inside when we got home around 1am. I took her to the doctor today and she said to keep using the drops every 2 hours.

The one day I didn't go to Wagga to visit Dad and I'm at the Junee hospital with Carly. I'd love to say I don't want to see the inside of a hospital again any time soon, but it's going to be a long time before Dad is getting out so I'll be a regular visitor for a while yet.

I went over again tonight after work, and though he looked a little better, he's still a pitiful sight. He's so thin and never hungry, but because I'm there around the time they deliver his tea, I've been spoon-feeding him the soup or desserts each night just so he has something. He's too weak to do anything except doze off. The nurses have had him up during the day and sitting in a chair, but so far he's only walked the length of the bed and it hurts him too much to do any more. He's taking Valium for the tobacco withdrawals and I think it's making him hallucinate. He was quite funny on Tuesday night, talking about things that I couldn't see. If it wasn't so sad I'd have laughed.

My sister-in-law is going to visit him in the mornings and again in the afternoons, and I'm there of an evening. He doesn't remember much and so my not going over last night went unnoticed.

Dad came back to stay here last Tuesday and we had a good few days with no raised voices or walking on eggshells. Then on Friday just before lunch I got a call at work from my neighbour who said that Dad had fallen and she'd rung an ambulance. When I got home the ambulance still hadn't arrived, and Dad was laying on the front path and couldn't move his leg. He'd gone out to collect the mail for me.

I followed the ambulance to Junee Hospital where Dr Corbett immediately phoned Wagga to order x-rays for a fractured hip. I hung around in the Emergency Dept. in Wagga from 1 to 7.30pm when the orthopaedic surgeon came to speak to us. It was pretty scary what he had to say, even suggesting that they might not operate at all because of Dad's poor health.

After consultation with the anaesthetist, Dad was taken up to surgery this morning, and this afternoon he's out of recovery and everything went well. He's had a partial hip replacement and still has a long road to recovery but I expect he'll be getting around again in a few weeks. I'm hoping that after a couple of days they'll bring him back here to Junee Hospital. I can have lunch with him each day at least. I'll need to speak to a doctor because I'm really not sure what comes after a hip replacement. Obviously the scar needs to heal and there'll be physiotherapy, but for how long I don't know.

It's a huge relief to know it all went well. The doctor had us thinking he could die on the operating table because of the poor state of his lungs, so I'm very grateful that the man upstairs was looking out for him.

Dad came home last Sunday, Carly moved into the caravan on Sunday night and it's been a week that feels like a month, for both me and the kids.

Monday I had to take Carly to the doctor. She had tonsillitis again, and had 3 days off sick. She went to school on Wednesday for a Food Technology exam but came home at lunch time. Alex has been the quietest he's ever been.

With Dad here, the kids haven't been themselves at all. It's been a real strain on all of us, Dad included because he sits around doing nothing all day, waiting for someone to come home. I'm home for lunch, but it's only for 45 minutes, and then I'm gone again. I don't suppose it's much different to what he was doing in Kirra, but he had his own car to come and go as he pleased. He went to the club nearly every day for a couple of beers. Here, he's just sitting around.

Dad hates the TV and has the sound muted all the time. He hates the fact that he's up at 5.30 and we like to sleep in. We've had a few clashes about what goes, and it hasn't been pleasant. Today, Alex got up about 10.30 and Carly was an hour later, and the usual criticism followed. I didn't get up till 9.30 but I told Dad last night that I planned on a sleep in and that was fine.

Tuesday he has an appointment in Wagga and I think he'll stay with Warren and Julie for 8-10 days, and then he'll come back here for a similar time. For now, that's all we can think to do because it's hard going. He's not the most pleasant man to live with and I've got plenty of unwanted childhood memories coming up that I'd thought I'd dealt with years ago. Obviously I hadn't. Obviously I could write a lot more about how I'm feeling but it's all too personal. For now, enough said.

It's been an eventful week. Did I say that Dad would be staying with us over Christmas? Well, how quickly plans can change!

Sunday was Warren's birthday and we had planned to go to his place for lunch, my other brother was coming, plus Mum and the kids. Around 7.30am I got a phone call from Julie saying that they'd put Dad in an ambulance, he was vomiting blood. So after a quick coffee and shower, I was off to Wagga much earlier than planned and ended up spending 12 hours in the Emergency Dept with Dad, while he had various tests done to find out where he was bleeding. By the time I left that night they still didn't know the cause of the problem.

I had Monday off work and spent another few hours at the hospital, speaking to doctors and nurses, and finally a doctor said he needed a camera down his throat to see what was going on, but because he had a slight chest infection, they couldn't give him an anaesthetic until his breathing was better.

I went to work Tuesday, left at 3.30pm Wednesday so I could get back over to the hospital, worked yesterday, and I have today off again. Dad is scheduled for the exploratory operation this afternoon and I plan to be over there.

Julie has done a backflip about having Dad staying there: she can't cope with it all, so after he's discharged from the hospital he'll be coming home with me. We've had to do some major reshuffling here and I've borrowed a friend's caravan (thank God for friends) and he's set it up in the back yard this morning. Carly will be moving out of her bedroom and in to the van so Dad can be in the room across the hall from me. Carly was none too pleased to start with, but she's warmed to the idea and is now looking forward to some redecorating in the van. It's a pop-top so should have plenty of air flow, and we have shade trees. I have no idea how long this arrangement is for so for now it's one day at a time.

Dad is the best I've seen him after 5 days in hospital and is anxious to get out of there. Much will depend on the results of the tests, and may involve a biopsy as well so it might be Monday before any decisions about a course of treatment are made. From what the doctor said she's expecting the worst but we'll wait and see.

The Junee Show was on today and Alex left at 8.30 this morning and is just now home (9pm). He went early hoping he'd get some work there, and thus supplement the $50 I gave him. When he came home he said that heaps of people shouted him, he didn't actually earn any money, his $50 ran out around 6pm and he had a fantastic time. Sounds like a good day.

Carly "the working girl" paid her own way this year and for that I'm extremely grateful. She's off to a party tonight and I have her word she'll behave. No doubt there'll be plenty of under-age drinking going on, just as long as she's not a part of it.

Around 7.30 tonight I heard what sounded like thunder, but it was the fireworks going off up at the Show. I couldn't see it from my place, and Alex said he was on the Dodgem Cars and didn't see them either. Just nearly choked from all the smoke and smell of gunpowder. Sounds great. :(

Besides being busy driving Carly to Wagga and back, sometimes twice a day, I'm now driving over to see Dad who is staying with Warren and Julie. He's been here about 10 days and has had numerous trips to the hospital and doctors to get his health sorted. Julie has been doing all the hard yards and taking him everywhere. I joined them yesterday in Wagga for a visit to a specialist physician, who organised an ultra-sound on Dad's stomach. He still has a couple of cracked ribs from back in July that haven't healed very well and his breathing is shot. The Doc said giving up the cigs was a waste of time because the damage is done. And Dad doesn't see the point either. It's one of the few things he has left to enjoy.

Come Christmas I'll need some time off work because Warren and Julie are off to the Gold Coast which will be, by then, a well-deserved break. Warren's flat out with work and so the job has fallen on Julie to do everything for Dad. There's no way he'll be going back to his lonely little caravan at Kirra and I think he knows that but he still keeps talking about going home. When he comes to stay here, Alex will have to sleep in the lounge room, because we don't have a spare bedroom. I'm sure he won't mind though. Dad will find it a little different though. Julie's cooking him a hot breakfast every morning and there for him 24/7. My breakfast usually consists of a cup of coffee and couple of cigarettes. I wonder if he likes WeetBix? She's also up by 6.30 every morning whereas I like to sleep in. I think it was 10 before I dragged myself out this morning. Lazy I know. Things might have to change.

Lately I've been having a terrible time trying to get to sleep at night. Last night, for instance, it was 3 am and it's not unusual to have a couple of nights in a row like that. The night before it was 2.30. I'm tired, I'm definitely ready for bed, but I toss and turn for hours. I can hear this buzzing in my head, like my ears are too sensitive or something. It's brain activity that just won't shut down.

I lay there thinking that I'd love to be hooked up to some kind of brain scan so I could see just what's going on in there. I think about all sorts of things and maybe that's the problem. The last couple of nights I've got up and sat out the front and smoked a cigarette around 2.30. I do a series of deep breathing then to get to sleep and it must work, the brain seems to settle down.

I have a low spot around 4pm each day when I could easily catch a few winks, but I'm usually at work so it's not possible. I don't do daytime sleeps very good anyway. I wake up feeling terrible. Tonight I'm tired and I hope I can go straight to sleep. I brought the grandsons home with me tonight and it's been hectic. Alex is a great help with the kids, he loves having them here. We got Riley asleep before I had to go to Wagga and pick Carly up from work, and when we got back he had Zeke asleep too. He set up Riley's cot in his room, and Zeke is asleep in Alex's bed, so he'll have both of them in the morning. No doubt he'll be in to wake me up but it was thoughtful of him.

I looked up a few sites tonight to see what tips people have for insomnia and they seem to be the usual suggestions:

• Take a warm bath
• Get a massage
• Listen to music
• Drink warm milk or herb tea
• Eat a bedtime snack
• Avoid caffeine, alcohol and tobacco
• Sleep in a well-ventilated room
• Sleep on a good firm bed
• Sleep on your back
• Get some physical exercise during the day
• Keep regular bedtime hours
• If you can't sleep, get up
• Don't sleep in
• Get up earlier in the morning
• Keep your bed a place for sleep
• Avoid naps
• Avoid illuminated bedroom clocks

Maybe there's a few things I could change, like avoid tobacco and caffeine, turn off all the LED lights, but most of it I already do. I'm thinking a glass of red wine before bed, that might do the trick. Sleeping tablets are not even on my agenda.

I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since I posted anything on this site. It's also been school holidays and this have been the usual hectic around here, especially with Carly now working in Wagga. She worked 4 days last week and another 3 this week, and the driving backwards and forwards to Wagga is taking it's toll, physically and financially. Carly's loving it though, earning a wage for the first time and having money to spend, she's having a ball.

We've had the usual holiday activities at work too. The first week I went to the movies with another girl from work, taking a bus load of nearly 60 people. This week I took 31 kids to the Handstand Factory in Wagga and had to sit for 3 hours while they enjoyed the gymnastics. I read a book but could have gone to sleep on the bus coming home. Hard work. Then Friday we ran the skate comp that turned in to a disaster in the last 15 minutes. The rest of the day was great, with about 20 kids competing in skateboard, bmx and scooter in 3 categories. A couple of kids ruined it for the rest and it looks like there may not be another comp for a while. It just boiled down to bad behaviour, which was a shame, because the majority of the kids were good.

Alex cleaned up in the comp. He entered scooter advanced, and came 1st, skateboard beginner, and came 1st, and bmx intermediate, and came 2nd. He got an armload of great prizes including a new pair of skate shoes, a grouse skateboard deck, a new scooter wheel and a truckload of stickers. He was feeling pretty proud of himself on Friday night.

Yesterday I dropped Alex and his mate at the pool in Wagga after we took Carly to work. Then I headed up to Lauren's to visit the family and Emily was there with Jake. Daniel's brother was also there, he'd just flown down from Broome and is heading back to Airlie Beach in the Whitsundays for the summer. He goes all over the place working at resorts during the peak season. What a job. Daniel's dad dropped in for a while too. Later in the night when I went back to Wagga to pick Carly up, I called up to Emily's house and Kai's mum and dad were there. It turned out to be a full-on family day, catching up with everyone.

I've been a book worm for the last few weeks and I've read about 4 books in 3 weeks. I've got a new day-bed on the front verandah that all the kids threw in for and bought for my 50th birthday. I've been taking full advantage of the warm weather and the comfy lounge and so the reading. The only problem is fighting with the cat to see who gets to sit on it. There's cat hair all over the blanket I threw over it for just that reason.