Fully Sick

A new law which came into force on New Year’s Day in Nigeria forcing motorcyclists to wear helmets has seen an increase in an improvised helmet: dried pumpkin shells, or calabashes.

Road safety officials said calabash-wearers would be prosecuted. Stories have also appeared in the local papers highlighting passengers’ fears that the helmets could be used by motorcyclists to cast spells on their clients, making it easy for them to be robbed.

“Some people can put juju inside the helmets and when they are worn the victim can either lose consciousness or be struck dumb,” passenger Kolawole Aremu told the Daily Trust newspaper.

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It’s hot in Cairns and that could explain the bizarre behaviour of a thief who broke into an adult shop, had sex with a blow-up doll, then dumped the used plastic in the rear lane. The store manager said that the offender had a liking for the doll model named “Jungle Jane”, which had been taken on a couple of occasions.

Police have DNA samples, fingerprints and pictures of the crime scene. The guy was either on heat or it had affected his brain.

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Who would have thought that the lovable little Australian Wallaby could cause so much mayhem?

According to reports in Townsville today, wild wallabies are terrorising a retirement village, knocking over residents and defecating on lawns and patios.

Residents at Carlyle Gardens are said to be too afraid to leave their homes when the 100-strong mob runs amok in the early mornings and late afternoons.

The wallabies are crashing into cars, scooters and even elderly residents. Large male wallabies, over a metre tall and weighing up to 30kg, are fighting, falling against the side of homes and damaging walls.

I certainly wouldn’t like to be bowled over by one.

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Bosnian police have impounded a pigeon after discovering prisoners used it to smuggle drugs into one of the country’s highest security jails. Desperation is the key to genius, so it’s not surprising that someone behind bars came up with this ingenious idea. During WW1, homing pigeons were used in espionage and had cameras strapped to their bodies. The Bavarian Pigeon Corp took aerial photos of surrounding districts.

The pigeon had been taken into custody by police, who have launched an investigation aimed at identifying those who had loaded it up with the drugs. The incident had prompted the prison administration to consider closing down a prisoner pigeon-breeding project established in a ward of the jail as part of a rehabilitation program.

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Beijing has asked hotels and restaurants in the city to take dog meat off the menu for the duration of next month’s Olympics and September’s Paralympics, but some things you can look forward to are scorpions on a stick, on offer along with silkworms and seahorses.

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Police are searching for a man who robbed a Brisbane service station armed with a fluorescent light bulb.

The offender, who's been described as chubby, walked into the Shell service station at Breakfast Creek in Brisbane's north about 4.45am (AEST) today and demanded money, police said.

He used the fluorescent light tube to threaten a female worker, before fleeing the scene on foot with a sum of cash. He must have grabbed the nearest potential weapon and a light bulb was all he could come up with. I think if it was me, I probably would have laughed in his face.

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Roberta Williams, ex-wife of notorious Melbourne serial killer Carl Williams, is in the news again. This time she’s doing a photo-shoot for Zoo Magazine and at 37, and 4 kids later, thinks she looks good. Some of her previous photos are not so flattering. If I could get a make-over as good as Williams I’d be in Zoo too.

Roberta Williams speaks to her husband’s friend, Renata Laureano, outside the Supreme Court on April 28.

Pictured outside her former home in Essendon in March.

Stripped for a men’s magazine / Picture: Zoo Weekly

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Oh my God! I've heard everything now...

A Singaporean man with an armpit-sniffing fetish has been sentenced to 14 years in prison and 18 strokes of the cane.

Mohammed Ismail Ariffin, 36, was convicted of molesting 23 females ranging in age from nine to their 50s, The Straits Times reported today.

Community Court Judge James Leong imposed preventive detention, a jail term for prisoners with no chance of parole.

The court was earlier told Mohammed Ismail stalked his victims and followed them into lifts, staircase landings or their homes. In some cases, he restrained them.

He was also was guilty of fondling a 13-year-old and exposing himself to a 53-year- old cleaner, the court was told.

Following a report from a housewife that a man had smelled her armpit on January 3, police took a semen swab at the scene which led them to Mohammed Ismail.

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Colorado police say two suspected robbers dubbed the "thong bandits", after they used women's underwear to disguise themselves, have been caught.

The two men used skimpy underwear as masks, but much of their faces remained visible in a CCTV tape broadcast across the US state.

Nineteen-year-old Joaquin Rico and his 24-year-old alleged accomplice, Joseph R Espinoza, both turned themselves in.

Police in Arvada say the men stole cash and cigarettes from a shop in May.

The two were unarmed but reportedly hit a shop assistant and injured her.

One man wore a green thong and the other wore blue. The garments barely covered the men's features, leaving most of their faces exposed. They stuffed stolen items into a pink rucksack.

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I'm planning on using some of the techniques the Paramilitary police in Chine use so I stop slouching over my computer. If the cards or crosses don't work, I'll bet the needles in the collar trick soon have me sitting up straight.

Paramilitary police maintain correct posture with crosses on their backs during a training session at a military base in Shenyang, China, May 6, 2008. REUTERS/ Stringer

Paramilitary police at training session in Beijing April 10, 2008. Playing cards ensure that the police maintain good posture. REUTERS/Joe Chan

Needles ensure correct posture during training at base in Shenyang, China, May 6, 2008. REUTERS/ Stringer

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There was some negative press about these photos released of the open day held at Hong Kong's Stanley Fort on May 1, but really, what kid (or adult for that matter) wouldn't love to handle these assault rifles and grenade launchers. I've only ever seen them in the movies.

A boy points a Chinese-made PF98 120mm recoilless anti-tank rocket during the People's Liberation Army Camp Open Day at Stanley Fort in Hong Kong.

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How's this for a twist! A Texas woman who caused her lover's shooting death by falsely crying rape was convicted Friday of involuntary manslaughter.

Tracy Denise Roberson, 37, cried when the verdict was announced. The punishment phase was set for Monday, and she faces two to 20 years in prison.

In late 2006, Darrell Roberson came home from a late-night card game to find his scantily clad wife with another man in a pickup in the driveway. Tracy Roberson was with her lover but cried rape, and her husband fired four shots into the truck as Devin LaSalle drove off, killing him.

Darrell Roberson was arrested, but a murder charge was dropped, and a grand jury indicted Tracy Roberson instead.

During her three-day trial, defence attorneys called no witnesses but blamed LaSalle's death on Darrell Roberson's jealousy and rage.

But prosecutors placed all the blame on Tracy Roberson, showing evidence of the affair with LaSalle, 32, and a text message in which she invited him to her house that evening.

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Two criminals on day-release from a German prison were caught tending their illegal cannabis crop in an empty warehouse nearby, German authorities said on Monday.

German customs agents discovered the 1,200 cannabis plants in the warehouse in the western town of Moers and detained the two criminals, immediately ending the furlough and sending them back to jail.

The customs agents said the men, who were on day-release to find jobs, were planning to export their harvest to the Netherlands.

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1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want to catch whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy arse.

This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask? 'Because you are my friend'.

Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

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A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday.

Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict."

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."

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The US$3 million Chillout, which opened in a mall in June, is the Middle East's first ice lounge and the latest venture in this desert Gulf emirate that has been transformed by a mania for the biggest, first or most outlandish. Almost everything at the restaurant is sculpted out of ice. Diners sit on ice benches or chairs, eat at ice tables, out of ice plates, drink from ice glasses served from a bar made of ice.

The $17 cover charge gets you one drink and the rental of a hooded parka, woollen gloves and insulated shoes. Customers don them outside, then spend a few minutes in the Buffer Zone, a room set at 41 degrees (F) to adjust before entering the restaurant.

It took 40,000 tons of ice to build the decor of the 2,400-square-foot restaurant. Every item was designed, carved and cut at a studio freezer at Iceculture Inc. in Canada and then shipped to Dubai.

Diffused lighting, from low-heat LED bulbs, constantly changes colours as it filters through the ice blocks. Sheepskin rugs cover the seats for the diners' comfort. Cocktails — which are non-alcoholic in a nod to Muslim culture — are served in ice glasses that are later discarded.

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Did you know that until recently, breeding dogs in China was banned. Mao Zedong (aka Mao Tse-tung, who once said "all power comes from the barrel of a gun") claimed that dog-breeding was a a bourgeois pastime.

A dog farmer in Shanghai has been jailed for 14 years for breaking into a local dog breeder's home, tying her up and stealing 24 puppies. The pups were valued at around $15,000. Seems like it's a lucrative business these days.

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Independent Online reports that British hiker Paul Beck was stranded in the Spanish mountains for six days - and survived by drinking his own urine. As the 33-year-old waited for rescuers to find him, he resorted to urinating into a cup and drinking a few drops a day.

Last year, yachtsmen Mark Smith and Steven Freeman spent 11 days stranded in the South China Sea after their boat capsized. They put their survival down to urine.

You're probably pulling a face right now and thinking "how gross", but the fact is, some people believe that a few drops under the tongue each morning is actually good for you. Urine is highly sterile and consists of 95 percent water and five percent nutrients, including vitamins, minerals, proteins, antibodies and other beneficial ingredients.

Egyptian medical texts and Chinese and Indian documents mention the benefits of drinking one's urine, while the Aztecs used it to disinfect wounds. Aztec physicians administered urine as a drink to relieve stomach and intestine problems, and there is evidence that the ancient Romans used the bleaching power of urine as a teeth whitener.

The drinking of one's own urine has historically been credited in curing irregularity, fluid retention, abdominal pain, food allergies, exhaustion, chronic illness, hair loss, weight problems, lack of energy, jaundice, scurvy, gout, "hysterical vapours," and more.

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Who would have thought! Throughout the ages there's been body piercings. We've seen a resurgence in nose, tongue, belly button and eyebrow piercings. It seems the latest craze is to get a piercing for your car. There's even a website called www.pierceyourride.com.

And as one commenter pointed out: it can even get infected. Drilling into your chrome causes rust!

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How would you feel if you went missing for seven years but nobody missed you? That's pretty sad, and doesn't say much for the friends and family of the decomposed corpse of a German man who was found alone in his bed after nearly seven years.

The police said in a statement the man was 59 and unemployed at the time of his death. He most likely died of natural causes on November 30, 2000, the date he received a letter from the Welfare Office found in the apartment . Next to the dead man's bed police found cigarettes, an open television guide and Deutschemark coins, which came out of circulation after the euro was introduced in 2002. The man's apartment was in a building with offices and apartments, many of which are now empty.

"No one missed him. No missing person report was ever filed," the police said.

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Residents of Tainan learned a lesson in whale biology after the decomposing remains of a 60-ton sperm whale exploded on a busy street, showering nearby cars and shops with blood and organs and stopping traffic for hours.

The 56-foot-long whale had been on a truck headed for a necropsy by researchers, when gases from internal decay caused its entrails to explode in the southern city of Tainan.

Once moved to a nearby nature preserve, the male specimen — the largest whale ever recorded in Taiwan — drew the attention of locals because of its large penis, measured at some five feet, the Taipei Times reported.

“More than 100 Tainan city residents, mostly men, have reportedly gone to see the corpse to ‘experience’ the size of its penis,” the newspaper reported

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Next time you think you day has been a shocker, spare a thought for this bloke.

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.

A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air.

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The images below show the sequences of this drawing. Follow the link to see the whole thing unfold before your eyes. And be prepared to be amazed!!!!

http://fcmx.net/vec/get.swf?i=003702

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The drug causes so much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth that the phrase meth mouth has entered the public discourse. The heated substance, when fully aspirated, swirls through the users' teeth and gums, inevitably leading to sores which never heal. Tooth enamel wears away quickly as entire rows of teeth dissolve to the gumline. It collects in the nasal passages which drain in the back of the throat, effectively corroding your entire face.

Regular meth users are referred to as tweakers, so-called because they can go ALL TWEAKEND LONG, BABY. They can be awake for three to fifteen days straight: irritable, violent and paranoid.

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The first World Beard and Moustache Championship was held in 1990 in H�fen-Enz, Germany.

The event was organized by the First H�fener Beard Club, one of about a dozen beard and mustache fraternities in Germany today. The club sponsored a second championship in 1995.

Since then the competition has grown into a biennial event hosted by beard and mustache clubs mostly in Germany, Sweden, and Norway.

The whiskered compete in 17 officially sanctioned categories: 8 styles of mustache, 4 varieties of partial beard/goatee, and 5 appellations of full-beard.

Styles range from the historic (musketeer, Wild West, imperial) to the biographical (Fu Manchu, Garibaldi, Verdi). The truly weird fall into the freestyle categories.

While a few of the hirsute compete au naturel, most rely on sprays, mousses, and waxes�not to mention blow-dryers, combs, picks, brushes, scissors, or curlers�to stay in championship form.

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ARL stands for Australian Rugby League and AFL stands for Australian Football League.

Does the following apply to the ARL, the AFL?

• 36 have been accused of spousal abuse
• 7 have been arrested for fraud
• 19 have been accused of writing bad cheques
• 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
• 3 have done time for assault
• 71, repeat 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
• 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
• 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
• 21 currently are defendants in lawsuits, and
• 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organisation this is?

Neither, it's the 535 members of the Australian Parliament in Canberra.

The same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

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• In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
• In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
• Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
• The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
• There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
• In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
• Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England but only in tropical fish stores.
• In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
• In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
• In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
• Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
• Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
• The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
• Butterflies taste with their feet.
• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
• Starfish don't have brains.
• Turtles can breathe through their butts.

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A fisherman is recovering after being impaled on the bill of a 14ft blue marlin that leapt over his boat during an international angling tournament off Bermuda on August 4, 2006.

His father Alan, the skipper, said: �The fish was airborne going across the full width of the boat and my son was standing about 8ft from the stern.

�It impaled him with its bill. In one motion, the fish flew across the cockpit and took him out of the boat. He landed about 15ft away. He was under water and had his arms wrapped round the fish as it was pushing him under

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That is certainly true for a Southern California woman who lost 145 pounds and donated her excess skin to help other patients who need it..

In May, Sheila underwent a four-hour surgery and had close to 50 pounds of skin removed. She donated that skin to the non-profit Musculoskeletal Transplant Foundation, which will use that excess skin to help other patients undergoing hernia operations, breast and pelvic floor reconstruction.

Last year, more than 200,000 patients received skin grafts donations from weight loss patients.

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An injured bird has confounded rescue workers for days by staying on the move despite a two-foot arrow stuck through its body.

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