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April 28, 2007

Kiss Sends Indians Into Spin

Actor Richard Gere has sent Indians into a spin after he twirled Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty in his arms, arched over and kissed her several times on the cheek at an event in New Delhi last week to promote AIDS awareness among Indian truckers.

Groups of men had burned and kicked straw effigies of Richard and Shilpa in sporadic protests across the country after newspapers published the picture of the kiss on their front pages and TV channels aired visuals of the event. Hindu vigilante groups saw it as an outrage against her modesty and an affront to Indian culture.

A court ordered his arrest after the lawyer who instigated the arrest described the kiss as an obscene act in public. Richard has been found guilty of violating Indian laws against public obscenity. The "Pretty Woman" heart-throb can be sent to jail for up to three months or fined or both for the crime if he is arrested. He is not in India now but can be held if he visits the country again.

Shilpa, the winner of the "Celebrity Big Brother" reality TV show in Britain this year, had said the kiss may have gone a "little overboard" but it was not obscene and the protests made India look regressive.

What started out as a harmless peck on the cheek has turned into a media circus. Richard said it was not his intention to offend anybody and described the charity event as an evening of celebrating courageous people associated with the fight against HIV/AIDS in India, which has the world's highest HIV caseload.

The fact that this modest woman won the British Big Brother show seems a contradiction in terms, as well as the fact that a kiss would stir outrage in the country, whereby the fact that they have the highest HIV caseload does not.

Posted at 10:40 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0) |

April 24, 2007

Baby Attack Made Up

I watched the news the other night where a young mother was talking about a daylight attack in Sydney and she had to hand over money just taken from a teller-machine, and the mohawk attacker tipped her baby out of a pram. I remember thinking that viewers would feel sorry for her and probably give her alot more money than she had stolen.

Perhaps that's what she thought too, because I read today that it was a pack of lies and she made the whole thing up!

She spoke in great detail about her alleged ordeal at a media conference, but subsequent information received from the public led police to re-interview her and charge her with public mischief.

At the time, I even remember thinking that the guy looked familiar! Like so many other police comfit pictures I suppose. She's been charged and after having her face all over the news with the sob story, I doubt she'll ever live it down.

Posted at 9:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0) |

April 14, 2007

HIV Positive Immigrants

Refugee advocates and health groups accused Prime Minister John Howard of discrimination today after he suggested banning HIV-positive migrants from entering the country.
Howard, whose government has introduced stringent immigration restrictions since winning power, said he would consider legislative changes to stop HIV-positive migrants from settling in Australia.

"My initial reaction is no (they should not be allowed in)," Howard told commercial radio yesterday.

Immigration lobbyists are up in arms about the comments, but I think I have to agree with him. Our health care system is already stretched to the limit and certainly these people would need plenty of medical care, and probably without the benefit of being in a health care fund. Waiting times for operations for Medicare reliant patients are already stretched to beyond a year for elective surgery (and in most cases elective does not equate to non-urgent).

I'm not often in agreement with Pauline Hanson's political views, but this time she has a point.

"We're bringing in people from South Africa at the moment, there's a huge amount coming into Australia, who have diseases, they've got AIDS," Hanson said at the time. "They are of no benefit to this country whatsoever, they'll never be able to work."

NineMSN asked in a poll today, "Should HIV-positive migrants be allowed into Australia?" The results:

Yes - 12566
No - 61751

Posted at 9:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0) |

April 4, 2007

Bereavement and Grieving

It was my brother's birthday last month and he was all I could think about for days. Family members rang to make sure I was okay. I thought about having a drink for him but wasn't sure I would stop once I started.

I get a newsletter once a month from the Support After Suicide Group. They have get-togethers and offer lots of good advice from people who have gone through similar experiences. I've never gone along to one of their meetings, but I read the newsletters and occasionally I get something out of it that helps me to get on with the day to day things.

Today I received one such newsletter with a page about debunking some myths about bereavement and grieving. I thought it was one of the better articles I've read and wanted to share it with you in the hope that if you too are grieving you may get something out of it.

Dr Kubler-Ross popularised the theory that you go through certain stages when you are grieving and it has been inferred that the stages of grief are sequential and predictable; that is the first myth about grief; it certainly is neither sequential nor predictable.

It is probably more helpful to speak of grief in terms of "chaos" rather than stages!

When you speak of grief in terms of linear time, based on a stage theory you can start to think of grief as an illness or breavement as a disease, and it is not.

The way people grieve varies according to many unpredictable variables such as age, gender, day of the week, level of intimacy or the sort of interdependency you had with the person who died, the nature of the death, etc. All these variables affect the way you grieve.

Most people would probably resonate more with the experience of Anna Bardsley who writes:

I have heard grief described as a process, heard the words 'stages of grief'. Process and stages are such tidy words and grief is anything but tidy or orderly, it is a mess, much more like the storm raging outside my window. A storm which buffets me at its will. Winds that rage, then subside, only to rage again. Rain that drenches me or drizzles and drizzles until I am wet through. Sometimes I can hold up an umbrella or take shelter. Other times there is no shelter, the umbrella is torn inside out and ripped out of my hands. I am left alone and vulnerable to the power of the storm raging around and within me.
Compassionate Friends Newsletter June-July 2002

Another myth that people carry that could interfere with the accommodating or helping process of grieving is the notion of "letting go". If you go back to the linear model or staged theory of grief, it implies that your aim in grieving is to get to "acceptance", the time when you sever the relationship and move on with your life. Around this, society has build up clichés such as: chin up; think of the kids; pull yourself together; every cloud has a silver lining; it's God's will; it's fate; it only takes time; you're young enough you can get married again; anyway she had a good innings. All these comments suggest that you should sever your relationship and get on with the rest of your life. However, you are getting on with the rest of your life. You can't not get on with the rest of your life.

What we also know is that many people maintain a relationship with the person who had died. You don't have to let go. Your loved one has died but your relationship with her/him lives forever. We call it memory. You cannot erase your memories and you need to be encouraged and given opportunities to verbalise, externalise or articulate the fact that you still have a relationship in your heart. You need ways to validate your relationship with the person who has died; after all, that is what memorabilia is all about.

When you want and need to repeatedly express your affection for your loved one who died you are not not living, you are living with your grief! You are living with what Mal McKissock terms "passionate sadness".

You hear people saying how they want to help another move on, so that the grieving person does not become paralyzed by their grief. Is it not a myth that people get paralyzed by their grief? When was the last time you saw someone paralyzed by their grief? In fact, it is fairly rare.

Hand of God Touching Man When you repeatedly tell your story of the one who has died, you are not paralyzed. This isn't repetitive, this is the first time you have been here, you are starting from square one and in every step you are relearning the world. You are on your own. No one has walked this path before, contrary to popular myth. You have regressed and feel incredibly vulnerable, having the vulnerability maybe of an 8 to 15 year old. This is the first time you have done it over this death and so it is a big struggle. In terms of telling the story, you are in fact sorting out your new relationship with the person who has died. When you talk about memories, when you remember, when you bring the passion of the relationship back into the present, biochemically you are actually changing what is happening to your body. It is sort of emotional respite. As you remember joyous moments you feel joy, even in the midst of grief. You need others who will help you live with your grief, live with your "passionate saddness" and parallel it with joy and relationship, as opposed to telling you to put it behind you and get on with the only important thing in life, which is joy. That is a myth!

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March 8, 2007

The Plight of the Australian Farmer

I read a headline on one of the leading magazines this week, the Australian Womens Weekly I think, that said every 4 days an Australian farmer commits suicide. It made me feel sick in the stomach because I've been hearing the same thing for months, and more personal stories of family tragedies. Today, being International Womens Day, a group of us girls from work went to lunch together and got to talking about the plight of the Australian farmer. Later this afternoon I got this email, and it was too much. Reading it got me all choked up, I just wish I could acknowledge the author. If you need a good cry, read on...

RAIN FROM NOWHERE

His cattle didn’t get a bid, they were fairly bloody poor,
What was he going to do? He couldn’t feed them anymore,
The dams were all but dry, hay was thirteen bucks a bale,
Last month’s talk of rain was just a fairytale,
His credit had run out, no chance to pay what’s owed,
Bad thoughts ran through his head as he drove down Gully Road

“Geez, great grandad bought the place back in 1898,
“Now I’m such a useless bastard, I’ll have to shut the gate.
“Can’t support my wife and kids, not like dad and those before,
“Christ, Grandma kept it going while Pop fought in the war.”

With depression now his master, he abandoned what was right,
There’s no place in life for failures, he’d end it all tonight.
There were still some things to do, he’d have to shoot the cattle first,
Of all the jobs he’d ever done, that would be the worst.

He’d have a shower, watch the news, then they’d all sit down for tea
Read his kids a bedtime story, watch some more TV,
Kiss his wife goodnight, say he was off to shoot some roos
Then in a paddock far away he’d blow away the blues.

But he drove in the gate and stopped – as he always had
To check the roadside mailbox – and found a letter from his Dad.
Now his dad was not a writer, Mum did all the cards and mail
But he knew the style from the notebooks that he used at cattle sales,
He sensed the nature of its contents, felt moisture in his eyes,
Just the fact his dad had written was enough to make him cry.

“Son, I know it’s bloody tough, it’s a cruel and twisted game,
“This life upon the land when you’re screaming out for rain,
“There’s no candle in the darkness, not a single speck of light
“But don’t let the demon get you, you have to do what’s right,
“I don’t know what’s in your head but push the bad thoughts well away
“See, you’ll always have your family at the back end of the day
“You have to talk to someone, and yes I know I rarely did
“But you have to think about Fiona and think about the kids.
“I’m worried about you son, you haven’t rung for quite a while,
“I know the road you’re on ‘cause I’ve walked every bloody mile.
“The date? December 7 back in 1983,
“Behind the shed I had the shotgun rested in the brigalow tree.
“See, I’d borrowed way too much to buy the Johnson place
“Then it didn’t rain for years and we got bombed by interest rates,
“The bank was at the door, I didn’t think I had a choice,
“I began to squeeze the trigger – that’s when I heard your voice.
“You said ‘Where are you Daddy? It’s time to play our game’
“’ I’ve got Squatter all set up, you might get General Rain.’
“It really was that close, you’re the one that stopped me son,
“And you’re the one that taught me there’s no answer in a gun.
“Just remember people love you, good friends won’t let you down.
“Look, you might have to swallow pride and get a job in town,
“Just ’til things come good, son, you’ve always got a choice
“And when you get this letter ring me, ’cause I’d love to hear your voice.”

Well he cried and laughed and shook his head then put the truck in gear,
Shut his eyes and hugged his dad in a vision that was clear,
Dropped the cattle at the yards, put the truck away
Filled the troughs the best he could and fed his last ten bales of hay.
Then he strode towards the homestead, shoulders back and head held high,
He still knew the road was tough but there was purpose in his eye.

He called for his wife and children, who’d lived through all his pain,
Hugs said more than words – he’d come back to them again,
They talked of silver linings, how good times always follow bad,
Then he walked towards the phone, picked it up and rang his Dad.
And while the kids set up the Squatter, he hugged his wife again,
Then they heard the roll of thunder and they smelt the smell of rain.

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January 15, 2007

Sleeping With Soap Between The Sheets

I wake some nights with such terrible cramps in the balls of my feet that it takes me up to an hour of massage before I can get back to bed. I've found that wearing socks to bed in the winter helps sometimes, but we're suffering 40 degree (over 100) heat here at the moment and I'm sweating enough.

I read an urban legend tonight that may just do the trick, and I've promptly placed not one, but two, bars of soap between my sheets to ward off night cramps. I've tried taking a quinine tablet before bed, and it works, and lucky for me I have a friend has gets prescribed quinine.

Many people are plagued by noctural leg cramps, those involuntary and agonizing muscle contractions that strike in the depths of the night, waking sleepers with jolts of pain that leave them awash in waves of suffering until the kinks finally relax.

While many possible causes have been posited for these contractions, those afflicted by them are far more concerned with getting rid of these debilitating cramps than they are with understanding their origin. Over the years, many preventions have been suggested, including:

Stretching one's calf muscles prior to going to bed.
Swearing off caffeine in the evening.
Increasing one's intake of potassium, magnesium, calcium or Vitamin E.
Sleeping on one's back with toes pointed towards the ceiling.
Taking quinine (now available only by prescription) or drinking tonic water (which contains small amounts of quinine).
Increasing one's intake of water during the day.

While all of the above have been said to avert the problem in at least some cases, one further suppression trick appears to work, at least according to anecdotal information, for almost everyone so bedeviled: sleeping with a bar of soap in the bed. No one has yet produced a plausible explanation as to why snoozing with one's Ivory might stave off those devastating nocturnal leg cramps, yet the reports of its doing so are numerous.

Slipping a bar of soap into the bed as a leg cramp prevention has been advanced by a number of authorities, both medical and otherwise. Ann Landers mentioned the soap cure in her column on a number of occasions, with each airing prompting a load of letters from readers thanking her for this information because it worked wonders for them. "They were thrilled and grateful to be liberated from those leg cramps," said Ms. Landers.

As to how this works -- or even if it does -- we're still in the dark. Perhaps soap releases something into the air that is beneficial to those predisposed to this condition, with the bedsheets working to contain the helpful emissions to the area where they are needed. Or perhaps this is a case of believing making it so -- the soap itself has no effect, but the sufferer's faith in the procedure serves to effect the miracle.

Yet skepticism aside, for those subject to noctural leg cramps, this bit of folk wisdom is clearly worth a try, in that the only potential downside is their having to share their beds with slivers of soap. As to what sort of product and where to place it in the bed, although some who pass along this bit of housewifely lore indicate specifics such as the soap's having to be unwrapped or not be a specific brand, those who swear by the procedure have had success whether they used large bars or the small ones commonly found in hotel rooms, whether the cakes of soap were wrapped or unwrapped, and whether the afflicted leg was rested on top of the soap or not. As for which brand is best, they all seem to work about the same.

Regarding what to do about an existing leg cramp, folk wisdom once again offers a variety of potential answers:

Ingest a teaspoon of yellow mustard.
Drink a glass of water that has a quarter of a teaspoon of baking soda mixed into it.
Pour salt into your hand and lick it.
Pinch the skin between the nose and the upper lip.

Posted at 11:56 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0) |

December 6, 2006

Revenge on the TeleMarketers

Every night when I'm getting tea ready I get a phone call from someone trying to get me to change my telephone carrier, or trying to sell me a ticket in a raffle. Today I received an email with some advice on how to handle these calls. I'm not so rude to just tell them to bugger off, but these ideas are wonderful, and next time I get one of those calls, I'll put them in to practice. The last one about junk mail is great.

(1) The three little words: "Hold On, Please..." Say this, then put down your phone and walk away instead of hanging-up immediately. This would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that sales of "whatever" would grind to a halt.

Then when you eventually hear the Telstra's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.

These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end? This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day your phone is answered.

This annoying little technique is used to determine the best time of day for a "real" sales person to call back and get someone at home.

What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialled the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer!!!

(3) When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope. Most of these come with postage-prepaid return envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular 50 cents postage "IF" and when they receive them back.

It costs them nothing if you throw them away! In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-prepaid return envelopes. Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Westpac. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back! (Just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them.)

You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them $1.00.

The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM them. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail and best of all they're paying for it... Twice!

Let's help keep Australia Post busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea!

If enough people follow these tips, it may work ---- eventually we may get very little junk mail anymore.

Posted at 6:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0) |

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